First post, my story

I believe each person has a story to tell. It doesn’t have to be something “BIG”, each story is worth telling. Your story is the most important and beautiful, you are the only one who knows the whole truth, only you can judge.

I got inspired by the book “Be beautiful, be you” by Lizzie Velasquez.

For those of you who don’t know her, she is a girl with a rare condition that doesn’t allow her to gain weight. This affects her every day life. It is impressive how she managed to stand up after each insult or disgusting look from others. All her life she is pointed by strangers, but every morning she wakes up  and is grateful for her life. Something I respect a lot.

I had always believed I’m not a talented writer. Lizzie is the one who showed me that you don’t have to be a great writer to write. Probably I’m not the best, but who cares!

I think writing helps. Putting your thoughts down on a paper leaves your mind in peace for at least an instant. Some of you maybe know that feeling “please leave me, at least for a moment”, well writing helps me, putting my “crazy ideas” (in a good or bad way) in order, gives me perspective.

If someone asks me now, “are you happy?”, my answer is, without hesitation, “YES!” But it wasn’t easy, and it stills not, but it’s worth it. I would encourage everyone to spend more time with themselves. Think about who you want to be, what you want to be, where you want to be, why and the hardest how you want to do it. But it is a 24 hour job, you have to fight for it each and every second, no one can help you, you are the only one who  can encourage yourself to continue even if sometimes it’s hard.

It’s difficult to say where my story begins. I guess I would say it’s two/three years ago during the senior year.

It is an atmosphere full of tension, they remind you each day how important that year is, how it will impact on your whole life, how it is a one life opportunity. Possibly some of you know what I’m talking about. Just thinking about it,  reminds me of the pressure in my stomach that I used to feel.

I always loved to study, it sounds nerdy, but I really enjoyed it. But that year it was different, I began to study for my marks, for the university instead for myself. That was the first bad decision.

All we do, it’s a matter of point of view. It depends on what is important to you. Now I would say “love myself”, I realise how egoistic that sounds, but how can you care about someone else, if you don’t care about yourself.

It’s hard work, but in my opinion the most important. We forget to do it too often, in some way I think society makes us overlook this part of ourselves. In that way they would lose,their “power”  over us, because once you realise yourself, you don’t need a system to care about you, you can take care of yourself. In some ways I think that we don’t really live in a “free” world. If we do what we’re ask to, it works well. But from the moment that you take another road, the big wave that used to care about you, flows against you.

You can be what, when, who, why, where ever you want. And I promise you, it’s one of the best feelings you will feel. When you find out who you are, you will find out what you need.

Back to my story... I began to study for the external factors. I  put a lot of pressure at myself. I was obsessed about getting high grades, and that was the only thing I could think about. I couldn’t see anything besides my exams. A feeling that today I find ridiculous. A mark, a job, a hobby doesn’t describe you, it’s part of you, but it’s not you. But back then I could just see that. I tried to convince myself that I was okay, but I wasn’t. I remember looking at myself at mirror, smiling, and tears running down my cheeks. I could see my unhappiness in my eyes, but told myself, I was exaggerating, I was okay. As the time passed, I recognized myself less, until a day looked at me and could find me. Then I said, OK, that is what means to grow up, to became an adult, a thought which is absurd.

The days passed, the pressure increased every day.

After a year I got my marks, I got into the medicine School  I wanted . I should have been thrilled, but I wasn’t. I just wanted to get that feeling away. At that time I thought maybe I should ask for help, but then again I said to myself that it wasn’t such a big deal.

For to 2 years I lived with that bad feeling, pressuring myself. I didn’t ask myself what I  really wanted, if I wanted to be at the university, if I wanted to study medicine, I just kept going.

Until I got a job, where I had to convince people to be part of Red Cross. I had to go from house to house, talk to people and convince them. It was too much for me, each time someone closed the door in front of me it was like a bullet in my stomach. With that experience I got, like the psychologist said, a burnout. At that moment, I understood I needed help. And I can say it was the best decision I ever made. Under recommendation I took  a time out, I began to respect, understand, know myself better. This was a year ago, during this year I’ve learn a lot about the human body and mind, and I can assure you it’s amazing.

After my personal experience, I would recommend each of you to sit and think about yourselves.

For the ones knowing  what they want, don’t forget that it is important to be patient. Some days it will be easy; other days it will be less, but if you want something and you work for it, it is possible.

I have shared my story with you, now it’s your turn.

Hold on!

Hya