As I have said many times, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. However, it is understandable that you may not feel ready to tell people just yet.
You might want to tell some people but you might not want to tell others. It has to be your
choice. You are the one who has to decide who you want to tell. At the
beginning, when you have only just been diagnosed and you are still a bit
overwhelmed by everything that’s going on and trying to face it yourself, it’s
easy to get convinced by your parents, for example, to not tell the family,
especially if you’re still living with your parents. As you can read in my
first post, that was my case. This is probably not done out of bad intent, but
just as a way to try and protect you. However, once you grow stronger in
yourself and start to accept what’s going on, you have to realise that it is no
one else’s choice to make. As I started to think, and my therapist then told
me, it is each person’s own personal choice to decide what they are going to
tell the people who surround them. Your parents may advise you, but in the end
it is your choice, and if they are not happy about it, you can always ask your
therapist to talk to them to make them understand that this is about you.
Try not
to lie. This has come up in group therapy and although I hadn’t thought about
it before, when the therapist explained it, I realised how important it
actually was. I didn’t really lie because I don’t like lying.
- You can tell a half-truth: for example. I was studying in another country and when my family asked me what I was doing back home I told them there were no more classes at university since people were doing their dissertations. This was actually true. What I was not telling them was that I was on a leave of absence from university anyway. (I guess this is best for people you don’t really care about or for family members who are too old to understand or ill etc…)
- You can tell them that you’re not ready to talk about it if they ask you something. The therapist put a lot of emphasis in this option. You might think, like I did, that it is not a very social acceptable thing to say ‘I’d rather not talk about it right now’. However, if those people care about you and are discrete, they might not push further. If they do and you’re still not ready to talk, you can always go to option 1.
Why is it
important not to lie?
You might
want to have a further relationship/friendship… with that person in the future.
If you have lied, even if they don’t know that you have, you do know it. And
since you know it, that makes you less likely to call them in the future
because you might feel like you don’t know how to tell them that what you said
in the past is not true.
What if you
have lied?
If they’re
people you care about and who care about you, then they probably will
understand as long as you explain why you did it. Give them as much detail as
possible and be understanding if their immediate reaction is not as welcoming
and friendly as you expect it to be. People don’t like to be lied to. However,
if they care about you and they realise your situation, they might understand
why you did it, but it may take some time. So don’t give up on them. If they
don’t immediately understand, keep sending them the message that you care about
them and that you didn’t know how to tell.
But try not
to lie. It’s better to say that you’re not ready to talk about it than to lie.
Those who care will understand.
Remember
that you are not alone.
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